The Lightening Bolt

The thunderstorm wasn't dropping much rain.  Nor was there a lot of lightening.  But some of the bolts were stronger than any June had ever heard.  Most were several miles away.  By the time the thunder arrived, it was bowling alley thunder.  Rolling through the skies for fifteen seconds and more. Several were less than a mile away and the thunder hit with a sharp crack.  Allen was startled by every loud one he heard.  It seemed that after living all of his thirteen years here in Florida's lightening alley he would be accustomed to it by now.  David was only four, but the lightening didn't faze him a bit.  The lights flicker, the doors and windows shake, and David is making face prints on the window trying to see what's happening outside.  He kept turning out the lights so he could see better and Allen kept turning them back on again.

While David was looking out the window and their mother was trying to get a weather report on the news channel, Allen saw his chance.  In little more than 10 seconds he had grabbed glass, a spoon, and opened up the pantry.  There he put two spoonfuls of Metamucial into a glass and quietly closed the pantry door.  Struggling for nonchalance he hid the glass next to his left side as strolled down the hall into the bathroom and closed the door.  He quietly filled the glass halfway up with water, stirred it well, and chugged it down.

Alan had been rather constipated for last three days.  A thirteen-year of age boy is not about to tell his mother he is constipated and ask for advice.  He couldn’t stand the thought of his mother asking questions about how he crapped and what it looked like and how many times so he did what dad did, and took a bunch of Metamucial.  Only it hadn’t worked like he had expected.  He was still constipated.  He rinsed out the glass to get rid of the remaining evidence and left it in the bathroom.  It would be easier to claim he didn’t know how it got there that to risk taking it back into the kitchen.  Just for effect he flushed the toilet and washed his hands before returning to the living room.

Alan returned just as David had convinced their mother to go out into the garage to watch the storm from there.  June reached for the button to open the door but David stopped her.  “Don’t, it’l turn on the light and we can’t see,” he pleaded.  To a four year old one minute could be an eternity.  Grudgingly, June pulled the release and opened the door by hand.  Allen did not want to be out here at all, but he certainly wasn't going to stay inside by himself.  So he played it cool and sat on the trunk next to David. 

Just as June was about to sit on the trunk of the other car, she remembered how long David liked to stay here and watch.  She went back into the kitchen and felt through the cupboard for her beer mug.  David had told her not to turn on the light and spoil her night vision.  She recognized it by touch and weight.  If was a really heavy glass beer mug that Tom had won for her in Octoberfest.  It held about 16 oz of beer with plenty of room for the foam, and it must have weighed three pounds empty.  Tom was out of town on business and she took comfort holding it close to her.  After pouring in a can of beer, in the dark of course, she went out and sat on the trunk of the other car.  Surveying her two boys for a bit, she found she was content.  She looked back out over the yard and the field across the street.

June was sitting on the trunk, barefoot, her feet, and holding her knees up to her chest.  She thought about Tom, cuddled with her knees, sipped her beer, and wished he were home.  After a few minutes she could see the front yard and saw David's Big Wheel out on the sidewalk. 

“David, you left your Big Wheel out on the sidewalk.”

“No I didn’t,” came the immediate reply, “I brought it in.”

This time June had the goods on him.  “No you didn’t, its right there,” she said pointing with her right hand and the beer mug.

Just as her arm straightened out and was pointed at the Big Wheel, a huge bolt of lightening struck a tall pine tree in the field across the street.  Flames, bark, and burning limbs flew an all directions.  Allen practically jumped on the top of the car, his feet backpedaling as fast as they could.  June didn't have a thought in her head, but yanked her arm back, fast.  About a fourth of her beer was hanging in the air where her glass had been, and more was flung out along the path back towards the rear window of the car.

The crack of the lightening was there in less that a heartbeat.  Just exactly the time it took for June to slam her treasured beer class into the tempered glass of the car rear window.  No one heard the glass breaking, as the thunder practically shook them off the two cars.  They all jumped about three feet in different directions, then sat back down, dumfounded.

Allen half fell half jumped down to the floor, his mouth wide open looking at his mom.  He didn't have the faintest idea of what he should do.  "Did you see…" sputtered out of his mouth, then he stopped.  With no words in his head, Allen realized that he was no longer constipated.  Somehow, he was not at all relieved. He could feel about six meals worth of crap in his pants.

June looked at David, then at Allen, then at the rear window.  "Shit!!!"  There just wasn’t anything else to say.  Allen was so wrapped up in his embarrassment he knew that everyone in the world knew he had just crapped in his pants.  His mother almost never cursed and he was not rational enough to see that she was upset about the car window.  Her "Shit" had to have been aimed at him cause she knew what he had just done.  Allen let out a wail and bolted into the house, smearing what seemed like twenty pounds of shit all over his ass and down his pant legs.

David thought that lightening bolt was the greatest thing he had ever seen.  He looked over at mom, and saw what she had done.  Hearing Allen wail, looking at the broken window, and seeing his mother's completely dumfounded look, the extremely sweet little David broke out into greatest belly laugh he had ever had.  He laughed so hard he fell off the trunk of the car, hitting his feet first only by accident, and rolled out into the rain laughing all the way.  Feeling the wet driveway and the rain falling on him he crawled back into the garage laughing all the way.

June did not see the humor of the situation.  She looked at the shattered window and glared at the broken handle of her treasured mug still in her hand.  She didn't have to look to see the beer soaking into the back seat.  "Shit!"